Text: Contemplation

My future is still uncertain. I am excited for my internship this fall. I received an email from Joe Prentice, a Daily Camera editor and layout designer, telling me that it was pretty much a sure thing. I just need to get the ball rolling in a few weeks, talk to a few people, then I work two nights a week editing articles for the paper. Right now I am signed up for five classes, but I plan on dropping three of them as the semester starts. If I kept this work load I would need to dedicate time for homework, at least four nights of working long bar shifts, and two nights for the internship. I am thinking this might be physically impossible. I don't want to tax my mind and body to the point that I hate my last semester of school. I would also like to continue working out and I don't see any way of fitting that into this schedule.

Otherwise, I've been thinking about my future after school. I am hoping the internship will answer a lot of questions for me as to whether or not I want to use my major. Two other possibilities I've considered is applying for graduate school in English or History. Lately I've been leaning more towards History. I have a genuine interest in history and it always has relevance. It would be fun to write historical films, or novels, or even fantasy novels incorporating the romanticism of history in general. I would need to start considering my options soon. I'd prefer to stay in state for school, but I would be open to possibilities of moving elsewhere or even traveling. I am not entirely sure if my financial situation would permit me to do so, but in the event that I could, it might be a nice change.

Recently I've been feeling more confident in my writing and even more so in my photography. I've been contemplating working my ass off for the next month to buy a nice digital camera. I'd love to take more black and white photos of people, portraits, or even just snapshots of daily activities. Beauty is so simple. I feel like I have so many possibilities but none of the right tools or training to master the things I want to do. I'd love to get better at photography, writing, weight lifting, all these easy things, I am wondering if my career path in journalism will enhance my knowledge of these hobbies. I probably will have to do the weight lifting thing on my own.

What about acting, though? I love doing it in the conversations I have. My comedy is usually an act. It involves the right facial expressions, timing, delivery, and knowing my audience - which I've felt more confident about lately. How can I incorporate my love of English and history, as well as my writing, photography and comedy? So much of me feels it is in film. Kyle, a friend of mine who works in Hollywood directing, producing and editing told me that it doesn't start the way I would imagine.

"You have to write it in book form first," he tells me. I know I can do it. Where does it start though? What is it about? So many books and movies are coming out lately about every day life. There is nothing much going on other than some exploration of the imagination thrown into daily existence, like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Then there are these epic movies based on epic books, like Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. Some people say that market is so dried up because all the great Science Fiction already exists and everything else is just secondary. I don't believe that. Just like I don't believe I can't be an actor, or a writer, or director. It takes one person to fill those roles, even though there are millions of applicants.

Lately I've been trying to piece together memories of my past in Kansas. I feel that there might be something there I can tap into, at least as a foundational work-or an inspirational piece; a practice story that can test my dedication. I also think that after I finish college, I will feel differently about life. I will at least have the necessary education and tools laid before me to start piecing together what I want to do with my time. I also feel like graduating will open up outlets to work more hours, or get a better paying job and earn something worthwhile. I'm a little worried about the repayment of my school loans, but I'll have to manage it when the time comes. For now I can only hope that might future is as bright as I feel it is. I know I can make something of myself and I will figure it out. Maybe I'll spend the rest of my life doing it but I know in the end my life will be fantastic.