Text: Motivation

It is tough to motivate yourself to do anything productive when your life is going well. When you're sitting around with too much idle time, you tend to try to be over-productive - at least I do anyway - and it never really pans out as I intend. I frequently interest myself with the idea of becoming a master artist, writer, actor, or I try to settle with less physically interactive activities like reading. Then, I inevitably fall short of my goal due to my (what Lisa claims is an inherent trait in everyone) self-proclaimed form of ADD. I wish I could seriously stick with something -- or does everyone have this problem? Does a writer sit down and for 2 years do nothing but write a book? I find that hardly likely, but I still wonder if there is something particularly wrong with my attention span - it's a curse that it is so short.

On a brighter note, I have been reading several books per the recommendation of Lisa. Don Quixote, Catch-22, and The Confederacy of Dunces. All of them are inspirational for me in the sense that I hope they lend me the guideline to write my own story someday. I believe that my life, the big joke that it seems to be sometimes, is something worth scribbling down. The more I read and the more I practice writing will hopefully allow me to find my own voice.

I also wonder at times if my newfound interests hinder my ability to be productive. I have never had this much alcohol in my life until I plugged myself into Old Chicago. I have been there since August, so for quite a while now, and ever since, I feel like I have beat the hell out of my liver. I don't have any complaints, per se, but I wonder if I gave myself more free time in the evenings to read, write, etc. if I wouldn't be on path to some form of success. Part of me feels that I need school to help define my style and educate me on a variety of things that will assist me in writing -- but the other part of me feels that it isn't really necessary. Everyone writes about his or her own personal experience, but how do you find the underlying message you want to convey? It's all very tricky. I feel as though I need to use school to figure out what style I would feel most comfortable with and also to usher thoughts my way that could be potentially inspirational.

So beyond that, what's new with other things in my life? Well, the most prominent thing in my life right now is gearing up to move to New York. I have never seriously considered moving out of the state, for a few reasons, but none related to the fact that I am not a risk-taker. New York means a lot to me -- right now it is mostly a cleansing of a past life, one that I have spent entirely in Colorado. I am not expecting to find different people in New York; everyone has the same basic needs. What I am expecting to find is a gateway into happiness...because in Colorado things that do not make me happy surround me. Things have changed so much since I left high school and nothing seems to have connected with me. Not even going to the University of Colorado. It was a temporary change that allowed me to feel intelligent and also gave me the assurance that I was working towards a career. Even after two semesters there, hanging around in the transitory period between Pre-Journalism and the J-school, I am still curious if it's what I want to do. So this proposition to go to New York is such an extraordinary opportunity -- especially sharing it with the girl I love more than anything.

But where do I draw the line in just ditching everything and running away? That is technically what I am doing, right? I feel partly like that is true, but I also feel like people don't need excuses to change. If they are sinking in the drama-quicksand around them with family, work, friends, then why not? People are always changing something, whether its their wardrobe, hair color, or whatever physical attribute they think they can modify -- it is just a way of reinventing themselves so that they can fit trends, or find self-identity when they feel they lack it. So I look at this more as a makeover to my once bland life, one that until I met Lisa had been filled with less risk, less adventure...one that Lisa has inadvertently seasoned with her own outlook on her life. Don't get me wrong, she is not putting choices and thoughts into my head, she is merely offering a different perspective, one that is healthy, so that I can bust out of this "Colorado-shell" and make something of myself. With her, I feel more confident, more like anything in the world is possible for me to achieve -- even things that I would normally discount because of its cost, like traveling. I enjoy myself so much more and I enjoy life ten times what I used to now that I have found someone like her.

This isn't a kiss-ass post to Lisa. I haven't done anything wrong that I need to compensate some compliments to how she lives her life--I just wanted to show some appreciation to how much she has influenced me positively in the last few paragraphs. I also wanted to express some of my thoughts about New York. I still have my reservations about the risks, but those are things that work out with time. We live everyday with the worst luck just at our heels, but we needn't run any faster from it, we simply have to walk the pace we're used to, journeying through the world we're born in--learning, loving, experiencing...the world is an amazing place, when you share it with someone who completes that missing part of your life, what else could you possibly need?