My life, as I frequently mention in my posts, has become very different in the last year. It has changed even more so since August of 2005. I finally transferred from Red Rocks Community College to the University of Colorado at Boulder. My job significantly changed as I moved from a very non-social, internet and computer based labor profession to an extremely social server position at Old Chicago. In doing so, I have become wrapped up in a welcoming family of new friends. Both movements signify a major social transition for me. I am not sitting in an office by myself for 8 hours a day chatting strictly on the internet to people I know and I am not taking online courses at Red Rocks.
I have basically traveled from one social extreme to the other. Not only has it taught me new lessons about myself but it has introduced me into a new matrix of friendships. There are server-to-server friendships, server-to-regulars friendships, servers-to-past employee friendships, etcetera, that all stack on top of one another. Finding out how to dive headfirst into the intricacies of the server social life hasn't been entirely tough, but a part of me has definitely felt disconnected. In some respects it is how I imagine being adopted into a large family would feel after you have matured to the age of understanding social standards. You feel like you know that you are valuable, but you inherit the pressure of convincing others of this. You want them to quickly gain trust in you as an employee, a loyal friend, and devoted family member.
The more we all work together, the easier this task becomes. I have also been frequently drinking with my co-workers, which proposes the question: does this strengthen or weaken the bond of friendships? My colleague has a similar set of questions she asked on her own blog:
"Is this a healthy transitional period of friendship wherein we all get to know each other's crazies, or Do you need to adhere to at least some normal social conventions to make a friendship last?"
The answer to these two questions can be composed into one analysis, I believe.
It is tough to say that if you are crazy that you could also say that you adhere to normal social conventions. Then what is the definition of crazy? Is it the fact that someone binge drinks, sleeps around in the group, or can't get over a break up? Is it the fact that someone can 'snuggle' as a friend, or exposes a body part simply for the spontaneity of it? Is that knowledge crazy to know about someone or does it make them a crazy person?
To me, everything is on the same page. There is no distinction about what you should or shouldn't know about a person. Then there is also no distinction about what you should or shouldn't reveal about yourself. Everything is as equally significant or insignificant.
If I say that, does it mean I am insensitive? Most people view me as nice, as far as I can tell—sometimes even too nice. Then, perhaps, this also suggests that I am not necessarily speaking for the masses when I respond to these inquiries. Friendship to me has always been completely open and the degree of it is usually set by the person’s trust in me.
Friendships mature with time. The more you hang around one another, the closer you become. That is obvious. The broad attempt at an answer is this then: In order to make a friendship last you shouldn't be reserved and you shouldn't abide by any code. To gain new friendships you have to be yourself (addictions, insecurities and all). Transitioning from one generation of friends to another shouldn't require much thought. Loyalty and trust are composed from the different levels of you or your friend's shared craziness. Friendship to me is always a welcome venture--the level of it shouldn't be immediately discounted based on the time of its arrival.
If you propose the question of whether or not to adhere to a social system, how do you know when to stop using it and let people know you intimately?
(I will write more on this later. I have an Italian final at 7:30 AM.)
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2 comments:
that was really nice
reminded me that nothing is more touching that letting someone see all parts of yourself, even those you don't want to see, and having them love you anyway--or better yet, because of these things.
maybe that is what makes the old c's group special: we do know far too much about each other and we love each other for it.
my glass just became half full.
stace*
Good point. I agree with what you said. I even want to add to it more.
I've noticed also with random, crazy situations that yes, it does seem to strengthen friendships at first glance but the majority of the time it is really just entertainment fodder. This reminds me of a friend of mine and her plight with co-workers.
She spent a lot of time creating, what she believed to be, a family of friends at her restaurant. One thing lead to another and she eventually quit the restaurant under good-terms but does she ever get calls from the people she left behind? Rarely.
So, if that's the case, I just hope that the friends I am making at Old Chicago are not just temporary drinking friends. Part of me feels that this may be the case, and in a way, it makes me have that 'disconnected' feeling I was talking about. I am not looking for throw-away entertainment. I am looking for secure friendships that have a degree of loyalty.
I suppose I won't ever really know how close my friends truly are until they help me move, or cap a foo', or get my back if shit goes down -- that's when you truly know you have a good friend. If they are there no matter what, to help you through anything.
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