Fuck you lack of emotional stability and stream of consciouness. You bastards.

Why do I continually pour out emotions to people I barely know? I tend to make myself look like an ass more often than not. It is truly a sad habit of mine. I'd much rather pick up snorting cocaine out of a dead gorilla's ass than have this current flaw of mine. I must've been born with constant vulnerability; either that or I earned it from growing up under a single mother. No I am not pointing the finger, but if I would've had more than one set of balls in the immediate family, I might know what the fuck mine are for.

Hell I had to learn how to shave from my mother. I had to ask my friend's dad how the fuck you apply a cup into a jock strap. This is probably why I am not very threatening to anyone. I always have to ask my enemies what follows after they throw the first punch. However, it has been pointed out that my driver's license picture looks like a mug shot, or like I should be on death row for stabbing anyone who looked at me. This must mean I have potential to be a badass mutha' fucka'. So why can't I learn to seal up my emotional breakdowns?

For example, today I randomly threw a 'writing fit' to my teacher about a play I signed up to do for a semester long project. It wasn't his fault that I procrastinated everything but the thought process and the outline in my head. I only had to write about four pages about a topic that in retrospect is extremely interesting -- one I did substantial research on. I felt very forced through the entire process. It is unfortunate, because the teacher I sent the letter and play to is the most intelligent teacher I've had in my entire college career. So this means I look like the typical ass I am sometimes in front of someone I truly admire.

This makes me ponder back on other people's reactions to my mental state. How the hell do I have so many friends? I must do a good job persuading people to be my friends through humor. It sure as hell isn't when I verbally cry in emails to professors, or to friends, or to girls. That's another good point: girls. Why am I so terrible with them?

It's like I have a sign on my face that says: skinny creep with small dick, just say no. What the fuck, was there some DARE style course that revolved around teaching girls just to say no to Chuck? I'm a little tired of it. I'm not going to go on making a personal ad of myself in some conceited fashion on my silly little blogspot here. However, I just want an explanation. Perhaps I need to be more mean. I probably have to punch a dog when I walk into the room. That gets the message across loud and clear. Nobody likes a man who punches things without thinking twice about it. Those guys have all the luck.

So, note to self, work on emotional breakdowns, have a little fucking confidence, stay away from anything with feminine qualities, and start drinking more Jack. That'll loosen things up.